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This time I'm really going

Updated: May 1, 2021

This time I am really going.

I am really going this time.

Not like last time

Where I postponed and

Hemmed and hawed.

Or I remembered some

Project to finish.

Walking on eggshells after

The amicable divorce

Staying made the eventual

Loss bearable

But I thought little of what

It meant to you.

Getting old alone is not

Easy to bear

Holding on less a

Matter of grip

Than of schedules and

Rehearsed rhymes.

Emotional syntax not

Thought about.

Thirty years goes by

In a flash

When you hid away

Daily despair.

At first you want to

Talk about it

And then you tire of

The words

And you forgive each

Other again

Because forgiveness

Comes easy

When you don’t feel

The fault.

No one to blame, no

One harmed.

But enough is someone

Else’s call

Not yours you swore

Off responsibility

Long ago after that

Night of yelling

The brutal night you

Left home.

But you would return;

I moved over.

Simply demanding the

Bed space.

Silence among the stars

Just fine;

A neutral corner agreed

Upon compromise.

It has been too long of

This purgatory.

It has not been hell

Just not heaven.

And I am growing old

With pain

And it’s not easy growing

Painfully old

So, this time I mean

Really to go.

What do you mean

Don’t go?

We only have each

Other snores.

Who else would have

Us now?

Sometimes love happens

Other times

Love just means staying

Silently home.

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